Love Addiction: What It Really Means and How to Handle It

Choose to practice the healthier ways of loving your addicted person. You may be feeling a constant, gnawing worry that you live with every day. You may find yourself being asked for money often, and feeling guilty if you say no. Perhaps you are watching everything you say and do, in order to “keep peace” in your home and not make the addict angry.

Accepting your present situation and coming face-to-face with reality is crucial when you love someone with an addiction. Denial is an easy coping mechanism, as it can shield you from the pain substance use might be causing in your life. You might tell yourself loving an addict things will get better, but it’s vital to remember that the situation will not improve simply because you wish for it. While most losses are located in a specific time and space, the loss of a family member to addiction may be less pin-downable.

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The brain and body become dependent on an outside substance to create feelings of happiness and well-being—and, at advanced stages of the disease, to simply maintain the ability to function. Comorbidity is the occurrence of two or more disorders or illnesses in the same person. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), the likelihood of a mental illness diagnosis doubles for individuals suffering from a substance use disorder. Your partner may be more willing to talk about their depression or anxiety with you or a professional than talk directly about their substance use. This can be a way for them to get some kind of help that can ultimately lead to positive changes in their alcohol/drug use. Instead, learn to accept the present and the parts of your life that might be out of control due to loving someone with an addiction.

It’s a difficult spot to be in, and you shouldn’t neglect your own mental health needs. If you’ve been covering up for your loved one and not talking about their addiction openly for a long time, it may seem daunting to reach out for help. However, it’s important to make sure you’re getting the support you need as well. Lean on the people around you, and, if you need to, reach out to a mental health professional to speak about your stress and what you’re going through. Substance use disorders affect biological functioning, dominating the brain’s reward system, affecting emotional regulation, motivation, impulse control, and pleasure-seeking behaviors.

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That’s because they’re often emotionally mired in addiction, giving addiction its manipulative power. These support groups offer partners and loved ones of addicts a place to share their experiences. This can help https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/dealing-and-leaving-with-an-alcoholic-souse/ you learn from others who share a similar experience. Al-Anon is one of the most popular support groups for loved ones of alcoholics. Nar-Anon is a similar program for people who have drug-addicted loved ones.

We all share a very similar experience and it has helped me to know I am not alone, thanks to everyone who has shared their experiences. Getting the courage to leave someone with a substance use disorder is never easy, and it requires changing behaviors that you have engaged in for a long time. Before leaving someone struggling with addiction, you can try to get them to seek the help they need.

Mental health benefits of detachment

Many people find themselves in a codependent relationship. Yet, to an outsider, it may appear confusing as to why someone would stay in a relationship with a person who struggles with addiction. However, codependency is nuanced, and every couple needs to address their struggles with codependency and substance use disorders in their own way. An important first step in helping your partner is understanding their substance use. Educate yourself on substance use disorders and available resources.

But if you feel unbearable distress when they’re not around, Ruiz says that may signal what some call love addiction — an unhealthy fixation, in other words. If your loved one displays the symptoms of a substance use disorder, your relationship is  likely affected by their substance misuse in multiple ways, including emotionally, physically, and financially. You may even find yourself interacting with them in a manner that is called codependency. “People in recovery are modern-day prophets,” Lembke says. Even with the best of intentions, supporting someone with substance use disorder can easily blur into enabling.

Seek Help for Yourself

But these attempts to keep the relationship alive may prove self-defeating. Thinking about a love object as a way of avoiding negative emotions can be a red flag, Ruiz says. It’s typical to find your mind preoccupied with a love interest during the “honeymoon phase,” when you’re first falling for someone, explains Omar Ruiz, licensed therapist and founder of TalkThinkThrive.